Wednesday 25 May 2016
100 WC week 19
.My burnt marshmallow.
Do you know now how pain inducing long it takes to make a fire? My god it takes forever!
You need: dry, good sized wood, textured ground, and something to light the dang thing.
Well lucky me, I had none of those materials on hand. I mean, I had the wood, and ground, but it just rained, and wet wood ain't lightin'. After hours of experimenting I finally got the wood to light. I pulled out my bag of marshmallows and started roasting. Then the wind blew in. Great! As the flame flickered and then went out I lost hope.
So... I just ended up roasting them on a candle .
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great job good puncuation
ReplyDeleteYou need to add the words 'of' before marshmallows so it would say, "my bag of marshmallows." Instead of "My bag marshmallows." Other than that good job on your story, it's really creative.
ReplyDeleteIf you are going to say "lightin" then you have to add an apostrophe at the end of it, to make it seem like you were purposefully saying that or you just have to say "lighting." Also near the end you have a lot of choppy sentences, and incomplete sentences, so you may want to check your story over again for fluency.
ReplyDeleteI like the attitude in your story. Im not sure if the first sentence flows very nicely, so you might want to fix that. In your third sentence you spelled material wrong. In your second last sentence you say "Then the wind blew in. Great! Then ....." you used then two times, you might want to change one of them.
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