Wednesday 11 May 2016

100 WC week 17




                                                            I'll get by


The tears pumped from my eyes, as the blood started to cover my body. Burning, the burning from the bullet that was still inside me was so painful. Everything was getting white and blurry, like I was under water. Can't hold on anymore, So I started to sing...

"I, I'll get by. I. I'll survive."



                                                                 **********


I opened my eyes. Staring at what I saw in front of me. A stairway, with flowers, and a beach behind it. Just then I knew. I knew why I was here, It was my turn to walk the stairs. Step by step I walked, as I sang

"I, I got by."

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8 comments:

  1. Unknown11 May 2016 at 11:56

    Good storu

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    Replies
    1. Unknown12 May 2016 at 09:14

      This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Unknown12 May 2016 at 09:15

      Good story very descriptive at the beginning.

      Delete
  2. Unknown11 May 2016 at 11:59

    Nice story you turned someone dying into a story. I can really see that you expressed how the character feels. But you don't have a space between stair and way its one word.

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  3. Unknown11 May 2016 at 21:11

    Nice story. I liked how you used lots of descriptive language to describe what the person was feeling. The one thing I would fix is when you said "I stair way," I think you meant "A stairway" Also, I agree with Aaron. Good Job!

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  4. Unknown12 May 2016 at 09:10

    Really creative story! In your second paragraph third sentence you say "I beautiful stairway" but I think you meant to say "A beautiful stairway".

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  5. Pinky13 May 2016 at 17:52

    Great story! I agree with Tinker Bell I think you ment ot say a beautiful stairway. How would the blood cover you body? wouldn't it go on the floor or where ever you are? Also when you sang " I, i'll get by. I.I'll survive, I think all of the periods should be commas.

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  6. rmannell17 May 2016 at 15:34

    Hello Puga Chan,

    So many have talked of near death experiences and seeing lights. It seems your story takes us further.

    With life fading, death overwhelming you, you find yourself becoming aware once again. In the terms of a rock classic, you saw a "Stairway to Heaven". Your turn had come to walk those stairs. Well done.

    I see others have noted minor points about your writing so I need not. Basically, I can see you have tried to take care with presentation and only missed a couple issues when editing. Again, well done.

    I hope can continue to enter the 100WC and sharing your stories.

    Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
    Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia

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