Wednesday 18 May 2016
100 WC week #18
TERRIFIED
Standing in my radioactive orange pyjamas, the sound of thunder jerked me back to my room.
Then there was silence, nothing but it.
Then BOOM! It was as loud as an air-horn in my ear, it knocked me to the ground and caused me to ball my eyes out. I practically screamed bloody murder, and swam in my tears. My mother was across the street at a party so I was alone. So I had nothing to do but wait, wait for the next terrifying boom of thunder. Then there was silence, and nothing but it.
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I don't think your pyjamas were radioactive. That would not be good for your health. How did thunder jerk you back into your room? One of your words is randomly highlighted. You might want to fix it. I think you mean bawl your eyes out. I don't think you would cry because of a loud noise. Read over your story to check for mistakes.
ReplyDeleteWhy are your P.J.s radioactive? And when it says thunder jerked you back into the room does that mean you were daydreaming or something? Also you don't have to make the boom is all capitals. Last thing what does bloody murder mean? Is that like something to express negative feelings?
ReplyDeleteYour story is to confusing, why is your pyjamas radioactive. I don't understand at all. Bruh you must cry a lot to be swimming in your tears.
ReplyDeleteMy name is Jeff I agree it's confusing when your pyjamas are radioactive
ReplyDeleteYour story is very confusing? How is your pjs riodiactive? First there is a lightning, then you fall off your bed and ball your eyes out, then there is random blood, your mom is at a party, And? Make sure you make your story flow and so it makes sense. Keep up the good work!
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