Wednesday 10 February 2016

100 WC week 6




                                                                      Rey

Willow, and her friend Melissa had just got to Willows house from school. As Willow shut the door behind her she was shocked to see her brother Rey crying. She turned him around only to see a black eye.
"Who did this to you Rey?" Willow asked in a concerned voice.
"If I tell you" Rey started, "A girl will come to our house and take all my toys."
Willow looked shocked, and at angry at the same time.
"Tell me Rey" Willow said again.
Then right when Rey opened his mouth to say something Melissa run out the door into the forest as fast as she could.
"Melissa" Rey answered.
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5 comments:

  1. Unknown11 February 2016 at 19:35

    Your story is really creative. But I get a little confused

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  2. SoccerLover11 February 2016 at 19:52

    Amazing story I love the twist at the end. You forgot quotation marks around, "A girl will come and steal my toys."

    ReplyDelete
  3. Unknown11 February 2016 at 21:35

    I really liked your story, but in the sentence ``who did this to you Rey.`` you forgot to put a question mark. And there is another sentence that says ``Willow looked shocked and AT the same time.`` you might wanna fix that. But overall, your story was AMAZING!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Unknown12 February 2016 at 09:53

    I liked ypur story but I don't get the part if I tell you what does that have t odo with the story? Other than that I liked the puntuation the grammer and vocabulary good job!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Unknown13 February 2016 at 17:26

    I wonder how you can make your introductory sentence grab the readers attention to hook them into your story. Good job with the quotation marks and starting a new line every time someone speaks. Don't forget the comma before the ending quotation mark.

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