.The Key.
"Help! Please Hello! Can anyone hear me!"
I was locked in my room. My room on a boat. And it was slowly but surely sinking.
Water, the cold water. Every time I touched it it felt like knives were stabbing me,
but even so there was a lot of it, I was up to my knees in it.
"Please help me, Is Anyone there!"
I looked out the window that was to the right of me, and I was shocked to see nothing but water.
Floor 4 was completely sunk.
I had to do something or I would die. My eyes darted in every inch of the room, searching for a key.
There! a key in the box by the dresser.
I put my hand in the box and felt the key, I raced to the door and unlocked it. Then thats where all the water burst out of. The cold painful water.
I can't really follow why you need a key. Other than that your story really has feel to it I can imagine what it felt like good job.
ReplyDeleteIn your third short paragraph it doesn't quite make sense to me. And i'm also not sure, like Aaron, where the key fits in to the story.
ReplyDeleteVery good story nice descriptive sentences.
ReplyDeleteI like your topic. Check that you are using question marks when she is asking if anyone is there. How did you know there was a key in the box? Why was the door locked by the key?
ReplyDeleteI think in your first sentence you meant to spell hear because here is like the place and hear is like listened but really I like your story very creative. :)
ReplyDeleteLove your story! For one of your sentences you started it with and, and I think you could just start it with it.
ReplyDeleteGONNA MAKE THIS VERY CLEAR.
ReplyDeletePeople are asking where the key comes in.
Read the story again, it said "I was LOCKED in my room"
you need a key so that you can UNLOCK the door.
Very cool story. It was very confusing though, why were you locked inside your room if the key was right in the box to open the door? You also might want to say ship because a boat can be very small to fit a couple people. You might want to make your first 3 sentences into one.
ReplyDelete